Identify Abuse

Recognizing abuse is the first step.

Chances are if you’re asking yourself if you are being abused…

… then you probably are being abused.

What is abuse?

It’s important to understand and identify abuse within your relationship because, without intervention, the abuse is likely to escalate in severity.

Abuse is not always visible.

Even most incidents of physical abuse are not seen until days later.

Verbal

Threatening you, your children, your family, or your pets (with or without weapons).
Humiliating you in any way, especially in front of others.
Accusing you of cheating, lying, being abusive, etc.
Blaming you for their abusive behavior. Not taking responsibility for their actions. "I wouldn't have done this if you...", "you're making me...", etc.
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Physical

Preventing you from contacting emergency services, including for medical attention, law enforcement, or calling 911.
Driving recklessly or dangerously with you in the car or abandoning you in unfamiliar places.
Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol, especially if you have a history of substance abuse.
Trapping you in your home or preventing you from leaving.
Preventing you from taking medications as prescribed or denying you medical treatment.
Punching, slapping, kicking, biting, choking, smothering, throwing objects at or near you.
Causing harm to children or pets. This can be deprivation of food, care, or basic living needs and also physically assaulting your children or pets.

Choking & Strangulation:

Strangulation: when pressure is applied from the outside, cutting off airflow and blood vessels in the neck, preventing oxygen from reaching the brain.

Choking: refers to a blockage inside the throat, making breathing difficult.

A victim may lose consciousness due to blocking blood flow to and from the brain.

Strangulation may obstruct the carotid arteries in the neck, depriving the brain of oxygen. Unconsciousness can occur due to the blocking of veins which prevents blood from exiting the brain.

This pressure can lead to a loss of consciousness within five to ten seconds and cause death within a few minutes. Because such a thin line exists between unconsciousness and death, strangulation sits just before homicide on the continuum of domestic violence risk assessment.

Emotional

Pretending not to understand or refusing to listen to you; questioning your recollection of facts, events, or sources; trivializing your needs or feelings; or denying previous statements or promises.
Damaging your belongings, including throwing objects (at or near or in your presence), punching walls, kicking doors, etc.
Cheating on you to intentionally hurt you and threatening to cheat again to suggest they're "better" than you.
Controlling what you wear, including clothes, makeup, or hairstyles.
Isolating you from family, friends, or other people in your life because it makes someone easier to control.
Acting jealous or possessive and refusing to trust you.

Spiritual

Ridiculing or insulting your religious or spiritual beliefs.
Preventing you from practicing religious or spiritual beliefs.
Using religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate or shame you.
Using texts, scriptures, or beliefs to minimize or rationalize abusive behaviors.
Coercing you to give money/tithes/resources that you did not want to give.
Using religion or spirituality to control what you wear or how you appear.

Sexual and Reproductive Coercion

Refusing to use a condom or other types of birth control.
Breaking or removing a condom before or during sex, or refusing to pull out. Removing birth control methods.
Sabotaging methods by poking holes in condoms or tampering with birth control pills.
Lying about methods of birth control (i.e. having a vasectomy or being on the pill.)
Monitoring your menstrual cycles to inform their abuse.
Intentionally becoming pregnant against your wishes.
Forcing pregnancy or not supporting your decisions about when or if to have children.
Keeping you pregnant by getting you pregnant again shortly after you have a child.
Forcing you to get an abortion.
Preventing you from getting an abortion.
Threatening or acting violently if you don't agree to end or continue a pregnancy.

Digital

Sending you negative, insulting, or threatening messages or emails.
Teling you who you can or can't follow, or be friends with on social media.
Using social media to track your activities without your consent.
Insulting or humiliating you in their posts online, including posting unflattering photos or videos.
Stealing or insisting on being given your account passwords. Changing your account passwords without telling you.
Constantly texting you or making you feel like you can't be separated from your phone for fear that you'll anger them.
Sending, requesting, or pressuring you to send unwanted explicit photos or videos, sexts, or otherwise compromising messages.
Using smart home technology, smart speakers, or security cameras to track your movements, communications, and activities.
Creating fake social media profiles in your name and image, or using your phone or email to send messages to others pretending to be you, as a way to embarrass or isolate you.

Financial

Using your credit cards without your permission, not paying credit card bills, or otherwise harming your credit score.
Stealing money or financial items from you, your family, or your friends.
Depositing your paycheck into an account you do not have access to.
Preventing you from viewing and/or accessing bank accounts.
Stopping you from working, limiting the hours you can work, getting you fired, or forcing you to work certain types of jobs.
Withdrawing money from children's accounts without permission, opening lines of credit in the child's name.
Hiding joint tax information from you, forcing you to provide your tax returns.
Refusing to provide money for necessary or shared expenses like food, clothing, transportation, medical care, or medicine.

Any Abuse Is Still Abuse.

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